Hmm LA

Well well well, hello week three.

I don't know what your theme was, week three, but I know that I didn't die and that I got to film something. So, you did pretty good.

If I had to cast you in a TV series, I would cast you as: Girl who gets lost in the hallways of an abandoned high school in Hollywood, only to find that the cast of The Breakfast Club, Grease, Beverly Hills: 90210, Clueless, and Saved By The Bell all still actively attend zombie classes there, and they all think you would make a yummy cheesy cafeteria side option. BUT, in the end, you fight them off by learning the hand-jive dance and convincing them to escape with you in your Puppy-mobile so you can jump into the Pacific Ocean while holding hands and wearing pastel underwear. The cold water makes everyone realize that no one is dead, it was all an illusion of decayed memories covered in powdered sugar, and REALLY...everyone is coming back for a reunion season.

giphy-63.gif

 

TUESDAY

After posting the blog last week, I got all these nice messages from people who actually read the blog. Thank you friends :) for taking the time to read this thang of words and iMEgery. Thank you, sincerely, this has been a fun outlet, almost like condensation from the humidity of my brain dealing with this change, thank you for giving me a handkerchief with your eyes.  

AND, after posting, I applied to a bunch of film things on Backstage, one of them being a game show music guessing game. In the application, one of their questions was "What would you do with the prize money if you won?" and I submitted this reply below, which, thinking about it, would actually be my move re: PRIZE MONEY from anything ever -->

I'd like to hire a film crew and write/produce/direct/ star in a karaoke tour around the world. It would be a TV series called Karaokme and would be a spin off of the karaoke caberet I'm working on. Each karaoke lounge would be treated as a show, complete with a "backstage" aka the bar, diva issues like lighting, mics that echo, sign-up sheets that have too many "opener" names on their before my "show," personal assistants, choreography, vocal warmups...the works. Think Lady Gaga Five Foot Two documentary but in karaoke lounges in the underbellies of the world of live sound. 

Screen Shot 2017-12-05 at 3.44.00 AM.png

(*COUGH* I will accept outside producer help if anyone *wink* feels super inspired by this pitch paragraph *subtle** ) 

WEDNESDAY

I slept for 13 hours and then woke up and blinked my eyes 76 times. Wow, surprising sleep marathon that was filled with bizarre dreams. I'm reeeeeeeally getting rocked by dreams of late, they are detailed and long and I remember all of them when I wake up. Lots of colors and most of them revolve around me disappointing my mother. 30 much, Christine? 

I got some requests on Backstage for self-tapes, which was pretty sweet. Luckily, my good friend and fellow Deena Levy Theatre Studio buddy Griffin is now living in LA and he came over to read lines and help me film one of em. xoxo, Griff. You're a stud. 

The other self tape was for a music video series with The Bastette Group, a collection of multidisciplinary females creating a story with 10 music videos connected through one musician and one interwoven choreography sequence. I auditioned for HONEY LIPS, playing the part of Jane. Here's my audition tape I made. Took me a while to find the light and in the end, the best light was sitting on my kitchen floor, take that sunset. Also, my Power Rangers selfie stick has come in real clutch of late. 

Later that night, after the drum-atic dancing, I went to an acting workshop with a friend where I was asked to tell a story, sing a song and state why I like acting. They got a mouth full of all the stuff - after coming off the dancing, I was eager for La w/e Stage - and, to summarize my rambling, I rapped Eminem's Love The Way You Lie song. I also said I wanted to be an archeologist of the human experience, but I was so excited after rapping, I kind of screamed it at everyone in the room. Then, later when the teacher was giving me, um, advice(?) he said to not be too eager because I will get frustrated when nothing happens, since it always "takes a long time" and most people "get frustrated" when they have a lot of energy up top. OK, Debbie. 

OH and after class, I went to Doheny Room, this fancy "nightlife" spot in west hollywood. It felt like the promoter scene in NYC except less crowded, more pretentious, and water was one of the mixers on the tables. 

Oh and I got the part of Jane in Honey Lips :}

THURSDAY

On this day, I did some event planning stuff stuff in the AM for our big activation out in Vegas for CES this January. You'll probs hear more about that later, but...it involves much/many waffles.

giphy-158.gif

Later, I watched THIS video that gave a pretty deep dive into life as an actor in LA - albeit very depressing. But, helpful. But depressing re: It takes 5-50 years to make it. 

I built a master list of acting schools, talent agencies, comedy spots, casting networks...and I added them all into my LA domination excel document because I am the Brain in Pinky and the Brain. Buahaha. 

SIDE NOTE: Week three involved meeting a lot of people who said it takes a long time to make connections, build a network, get into the industry, make things happen, get somewhere, believe in fairies. I added that last part in. Because it's the same thing - Peter Pan says that if you believe in fairies, they exist. And if you don't, they die. And then you have to clap super hard to revive all of them, just like an actress ;) So, I do believe in fairies. 

Screen Shot 2017-12-05 at 2.07.42 AM.png

HIGHLIGHT OF THINGS TO EAT ALWAYS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY BUT AREN'T A RABBIT -->

Cava - best dinner for $12 ever, fresh mediterranean food, and it always makes you think happy thoughts of your bestie Kelsea. 

Non-Dairy Ben and Jerry Ice Cream - best flavors so far are Coconut Seven Layer Cake and the P.B. & Cookies 

Avocados on everything including any type of crackers, even gluten free ones work fine. 

Greek yogurt with cinnamon and dried fruits and apples and rando cinnamon sugar you found next to those gluten free crackers in there.

DO ALL OF THIS WHILE YOU WATCH BARBRA BEING BARBRA ON NETFLIX.

FUN FACT - barbra changed her name from barbara to barbra because she hated the name barbara.

FRIDAY

I made my first demo reel!!! I made one that was a solid 7 minutes, but that is way too long, noone can watch ANYTHING for 7 minutes. Ever. So then I made one that was 4 minutes which, according to my favorite actor buddies, was also too long. AND so tada, I made a 2 min demo reel GAH. Thoughts? Opinions? Proposals? Flowers? Tomatoes? I WILL TAKE ALL OF EM. 

SATURDAY

8AM yoga worked like a charm, it's easier getting up earlier over here. I think it is partially because I know I just have to walk to my car, put on the heat, drive 15 min, walk away from my car, and then I am physically there. The turnover rate is way way easier, yay early morning activities. 

After yoga, I got all my books and avocados and layers and towels and smoothies and hightailed it down to the beach. It was a tiny bit chilly, but still very relaxing. Did some more writing and and filmed this song I've been kinda sorta working on in my car, at red lights and beyond ;) first video I think I've ever posted of me singing a whole song, gah, and I realized afterward that I kind of created the illusion of my belly button singing some of the song too, but, in the spirit of Bob, I'm not even gunna think twice about it. It's all right, and here it is and it's there online now, drummmmmmsolooooooooooo -->

After the beach, I got home and ate the rest of the non-dairy ice cream and then walked the hour (i miss walking) to my hip ass friend's holiday party. Katie, who I also luckily work with at Praytell, is one of those boss people who can always make you smile, make you feel giddy, make you feel pretty and genuinely always smells like sun gold. Her hugs are like the pretty flower garden in Alice in Wonderland, in this golden evening-noon at her house, she was glowy and Cher-like, hostessing with the grace of Kelly and the pimp of Luda. Golly, I love her. And and the many Spice World faces of Praytell, who made me feel like I belonged, I love them too. They make me feel like I can be whatever Spice Girl I want to be. I want to go on a British tour with them. XOXOXO. 

On a normal night, I would have more stories from the party, but because I booked that Honey Lips shoot, I had to go home early for the...

SUNDAY

....7AM call time for the music video shoot with The Bastette Group for their Rigor Samsa Series featuring the musician Perilune!!! Fun wild day, I don't want to give away too many details, the final piece will be out in January, but to summarize, I got to play Jane, the lead, who realizes she wants to escape a world of rich/fake/petty/gluttony and unplug. She gets her wish but then has to see the real side, the rotting/horrible/dying side of her world. The umbilical cord has been cut, what will she decide? Try the pomegranate, it's the answer. 

 Follow The Bastette Group on Instagram  HERE  for more photos and more info and more updates and BECAUSE THEY ARE SUPER AMAZING ARTIST LADIES MAKING COOOL SHIT

Follow The Bastette Group on Instagram HERE for more photos and more info and more updates and BECAUSE THEY ARE SUPER AMAZING ARTIST LADIES MAKING COOOL SHIT

AND, on the way home, I stopped and got more donuts at my all time fav LA vegan (really though?) Donut Friend spot. Plus got tacos across the street from a truck. And then ate some of the tacos and some of the donuts on the way home. While cursing to the highway, I thought about how epic a death it would be if I crashed right there, in that pure white nightgown, covered in Highland Park style taco truck tacos, dripping vegan donut custard, while mass amounts of vintage pastels and acting books oozed from my lil blue car. I would def be famous after, I would be "the actress that never was, the Los Angelino that will be forever."  

MONDAY

I slept for 15 hours AGAIN. That means, this week, I slept for 28 hours, over one whole day split between two nights, of just sleep. Well, OK, let's do it, the dreaming needs to happen I guess. Last night? I dreamed I lost two mattresses and that I needed to find them because one belonged to my Ex's family and one belonged to my family. But the hotel misplaced them and my uber drove away too soon before the hotel could confirm they weren't there. Also, there was a person swimming up the street in DC while it was raining and I thought that was crazy, why would someone do that (in the dream, I mean, even though I actually think that is crazy in real life too, it would be very dirty water). The dream moved onto Victoria Secret shop-lifting, dropping off a friend in Aiken, eating Italian food...These dreams, man. What do they mean? I was wearing orange, - what does it all mean! My guess? Barbra Streisand. 

OK final note on the week? My neighbors to my CAMERA RIGHT are very "loud" um like "loud" like there is always a lot of high-pitched screaming and mixed moans and R&B music and it's at random times during the day and I've been listening to Rain sounds to go to sleep. Maybe that's where the DC swimmer came in....Neighbors to CAMERA LEFT are popular and they laugh a lot and have lots of people over and tend to clink glasses and say things like "Awww Sammy." I guess I'm the quiet, single 30-year-old who sometimes takes showers and screams for mattresses in the middle of the night. Yay, getting to be a real Angeles! 

APPENDIX -->

OVERHEARD, PLACES TO GO IN LA

Apparently the Houston brothers are THE bar cats here in LA. Their brother-built company, Houston Hospitality seems real fresh, real real fresh with La Descarga, Harvard & Stone, Pour Vous, No Vacancy (someone said to go here), Dirty Laundry (someone else said to go here), Good Times at Davey Wayne's (many people said to go here), their first restaurant Butchers and Barbers and an 80's oasis, and Break Room 86 (KARAOKE exists here) at The Line Hotel in their stronghold. 

Black Rabbit - a bar that also has a magic show that is "worth it"

Clifton - many floors with many themes includes a Josh Tree and dance floors. It used to be a food hall cafeteria and I heard there is a tiki bar "in the attic" and it's better to "go during the week to avoid massive crowds." 

MAJOR TAKE-AWAY, "when production designers and drinkers all run a town" these kinds of bars get made. That makes a lot of sense. 

LA MOVIES I WANT TO WATCH THIS WEEK TO GET ME IN THE MOOOD

Clueless

Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion

All of Beverly Hills: 90210

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Boogie Nights

Gidget

Greenberg

Terminator 2

THINGS I ACTUALLY WATCHED THIS PAST WEEK

In the Army Now – total classic, everyone should watch it ‘now’

Sex in the City final episode – I wanted to see the part where Carrie says to Big “I miss New York, take me home.” And then he does.

GOT Season 3 – when D-nary watches a nipple get torn off

Jim and Andy and the Great Beyond - AGAIN

Steve Martin’s Masterclass on Stand-up Comedy

Barbra: The Music…The Mem’ries…The Magic

QUOTES FROM PAULY SHORE cuz

Even at my peak, I never went to over the top.

I want to show all sides of myself. I mean, I don’t want to howl at the moon my whole life, you know?

I’m not used to getting good reviews.

That’s the biggest rule in Hollywood: Don’t spend your own money

In my 30s, it wasn’t cool to like Pauly Shore movies. It was cool to like them when they came out, then it wasn’t cool. 

christine hauerComment