Tuesday, December 19th at 12:25 PST
I’m sitting on a flight from LAX to Atlanta. My mama is waiting for me there. Someone just said it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, and I watched singing in the rain all the way through for the first time. I’m wearing a pink beanie and I’m sitting in that row with no seats in front of it, so I can prop my legs high up on the wall in front of me. My hair feels long down in my shoulders, it’s growing. My baggy holey green sweater feels like a cozy cave and my butt feels kind of numb. My eyes are a tiny tired because I stayed up till 3am watching Dawson’s creek last night and researching Joshua Jackson, delaying packing and eating leftover fried rice. I smell like coffee, my lyft driver today taught me about Hemp seed caffeine and homemade sweatpants. The plane is rumbling, feels like I’m on a train a little bit, like an old train about to pull into a snowcap station. I bet my mom has some snacks for me, I bet my dad will be up when we get home.
Friday, December 22nd at 10:25PM EST
I feel satisfied. Not done with anything, but contently collected. Maybe it’s the holiday season swelling up around me, around our world. How lucky we all are to follow a tiding of tradition, an out-stretched arm of comfort and connectedness. Even if traditions don’t involve trees and presents, like my family, it’s more that sense that we are all doing “not doing” together. It’s the only time of year where we all slow down and allow ourselves the time to just be – be with friends and family and maybe a little bit of ourselves as we think about the New Year and the Old Year, what is to come and what has just happened, all while eating cheese potatoes and sitting in our favorite couch cushion and sipping everything and re-hugging and chuckling and tim curry and more sitting and light walking and chatting and shopping for anything and snackin and...it's a hot tub with bubbles and catering and sometimes the heat's too high so you just dangle your legs in and sometimes you go under cuz fuck it and maybe my skin turns a pale custard and happily their is a full moon screen playing Scrooged. And it won't end until January 2.
Monday December 18th at 11:28PM PST
Got a call back at the Elysium Conservatory Theatre where I was asked to bring in a 1) favorite fairytale paragraph 2) a favorite fairytale song 3) special prop 4) special piece of clothing 5) movement to music piece. Challenge Accepted.
Here's what I did, and by 'did' I mean I went balls to the walls full-blown performed the heck fire scrapped the bottom of the bowl went-for-it as much as I possibly could, did it.
First I performed one of my favorite Lord of the Rings monologues where it began with "I know, it's all wrong, by rights we shouldn't even be here, but we are" and ended with the belief that "there is some good in this world, Mr Frodo, and that it's worth fighting for!" Thus beginning my theme of lost love and valor. Then I sang a song from Cinderella, "So this is Love" which took the evolution of loss to another level...then came the impulse movement part where I put on Sia's "Like a river runs" and...dropped the wedding ring on the floor. I did a dance around the ring as if it were my lover, my lost lover, my goodbye lover, my forever lover. Tears and breaking pianos commenced.
Also, after I did good on the audition, I got some ice cream and watched Dawson's Creek while researching Joshua Jackson on my phone. #DYK Josh.
Wednesday December 13th at 11:00AM PST
MY cutie friend Griff and I worked on Danny and the Deep Blue Sea together, reading lines and seeing if we wanted to put it up some time. I think so. Think Romeo and Juliet in a dive bar and the opposite.
Friday, December 15th at 6:22 PST
Praytell holiday party that began with 8 large bags of ice in my tiny Puppy car and ended with Magnum ice cream and luke warm sushi being thrown into my mouth as I ubered away from a B-Hills mansion.
Saturday, December 16th at 5:15 PST
Ate super duper shitty chinese food as I continued to feel sorry for myself on this holiday season alone in the sun. I went to another holiday party though, to drum up cheer. Pretty good, the company was royal alongside a new gal pal AND I met ladies who stand-up physically and on stage at a show I can do some comedy at. OH and I auditioned for that cannibal short film I ended up landing!
This week I was asked to write a character backstory as my audition piece, I was given a short scene for a gal named Elaine. There's no dialog, but this is what I think Elaine would have been if I had played her....
Character Backstory - Elaine
HI, I’m Elaine. As someone who grew up in the middle of New York City, I know what it is like to see pieces, fragment of life in tiny bits and pieces. A glance on the street, a quick exchange on the train. A moment of kindness at the door of a building. And all of these exist within our own minds. Not anywhere else. And that is why I love photography, the catching of moments, forever framed inside of a box. Life, caught in a flash.
I left New York the second I could and moved out to Colorado. The quiet and the calm and the beauty of our world was like an old friend. It beaconed me and I became its companion. I studied photography at the University of CO Boulder. I started visiting every national park I could. I realized that the beauty of our Earth, it’s heartbeats and impulses and, I think, it’s breathing…Yes, the breathing in and out of our planet earth was what I truly wanted to capture, what I wanted to keep safe and still forever. Seeing our ever-changing home inside of a picture, a tiny little moment that I was lucky enough to preserve, that is what makes me the most happiest.
I had to move back to NYC because my parents aren’t well and I had to help out. I’m teaching photography now at the New School and live out in Queens by as many trees as I can possibly find. I like being there for my family, taking care of people, being strong for people, that is very important to me. It’s hard being in a city, feeling the trapped air and seeing the waste and grim. But I do get to travel and I get summer breaks so, whenever I can, I sneak away to national parks or islands or gardens or anywhere quiet in the womb of our world. I don’t have a family yet, but I want one. I’m dating a man who could be the one, he is a chef and also enjoys the natural bounty of our planet, especially fresh veggies and fruits and combining exotic flavors with comfort foods. He is strong and would be a good dad, we’ve only been dating a year, but I really love him. And he makes living in the city easier.
My favorite color is sunflower yellow and I love fresh watermelon. I adore rain showers that happen when the sun is still out, so there is a kind of instant dew to your skin and you can see both the light and the dark of the earth all together, mixing together. I also enjoy a big thermos of coffee when I go on hikes and make sure to bring both a bird book and my journal were I keep some poetry. Nothing special, but I enjoy the quiet and the calmness that comes with writing poetry, it makes me feel connected to the trees and the old worlds of our plant. I also usually attach a photo to each poem so I connect both the real and the imaginary worlds together, for poems and pictures are a lot alike - both are a glimpse into the beyond. I hope to grow into a very old women one day, and sit under a tree at dusk, reading my journals and my poems, and watching the last bit of sun go down over a small hill.
also i drew this with my little friend Livia last night, her name is Brownie.